Albert

Male | Child | over 10 minutes
Starts on page 23

EXTRACT: I hate my Nan. She's a big fat cow! Moooooooooooooo! One day I'm gonna put her in the mincer and make her into big, fat Nana sausages and cook 'em on the barbeque and put red sauce on 'em and feed 'em to her poodles, Terminator and Fluff ... and they'll get so sick cause she'll taste like talcum powder, mothballs and geraniums! Then they'll sick up all over the old blue carpet with orange flowers around the edge... and she'll be sorry./ Very, very, very, very sorry.

Loretta

Female | Unspecified | over 10 minutes
Starts on page 9

EXTRACT: I swear, I had something akin to a religious experience the day that he drove up in his combe van to move in. The previous owners of the house were a couple of pap-sucking old farts, so it was manna from heaven to see this lanky legged hunk of a thing arrive on my doorstep... well, his doorstep actually, but close enough for me to touch almost. God, I wish! Knocked up a dozen drop scones, arranged myself nicely in my best Hestia cleavage creation, dolled the face up a bit and rang his doorbell.

Bambi

Female | Unspecified | 5 to 10 minutes
Starts on page 2

EXTRACT: Go for it Harry baby... keep Bambi in Versace and Vermouth... that's the decent thing to do. Anyway, from drac Georgian we moved into Spanish vogue ... then that went out and I decided on the stream lined Swedish blue and yellow thing... and after that I got really passionate for things Mediterranean. You know the look... cunning little clay tiles and water features in every room... and a thousand little cellulitey cherubs adorning each wall.