This is a (mostly true) story for anyone who has survived the unimaginable, fantasised about something they shouldn’t have, or been inappropriately groped in public.

With unflinching honesty and unwavering humour, two young people explore everything from vaginismus and violence, lesbians and Lolita, to dating and dildos. It's flirtatious feminism for a new millennium - and you may get covered in fluids (mostly your own).

Winner of a Sydney Fringe Festival Award for Excellence, 2011.

  • poetic
  • 55
  • 2 total
  • 2 female identifying
  • women, lgbtqia+, gender
  • 3 to 8, 8 to 12, 18+, 16 to 18
  • young adult, adult, all ages
  • Australian Plays Transform


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Female | 20s | under 3 minutes
Starts on page 14

EXTRACT: It’s the first week of drama school. We’re put in pairs and we have one minute to tell the other person what we love about them. There’s an odd number of people, so I get put with the teacher. He says a bunch of lovely things and then goes “You know what I love most about you Jess? You’re a big girl, but you don’t dress like a big girl and you don’t act like a big girl”. It was a great compliment, and there was no reason for him to suspect I would be surprised by any part of the sentence, but I was.


Female | 20s | 3 to 5 minutes
Starts on page 0

EXTRACT: (Danielle enters, drunk, and sings along to Shania Twain. The track fades out and Danielle sticks her head and vomits into in a bucket. Danielle then takes her left shoe off, dials a number, holds it up to her ear and beeps into it.) Hi, you’ve called beeeeeeep. Sorry I can’t take your call right now, just leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you. Beep. (Pause.) Hello. It’s me. (Canned laughter.) I’m standing somewhere between my third and eighth Scotch and…I thought it would be A VERY GOOD IDEA to call you at work when I know you’re at home so I can listen to your voicemail message, and then hang up before the beep. I get to hear your voice, you don’t know that I’m essentially a stalker, and it relieves the angst for the rest of my drink. Then I have another and realize that I’m still alone, so I call somebody else – an ex-lover, a fantasy boyfriend, the really sexy guy who happens to be married, twenty years my senior and my podiatrist…

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